Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
