Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
