My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
