we have officially lost it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
