Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
