I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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