my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
