You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
