Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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