Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We have started to decorate penises.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
