somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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