the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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