im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
