Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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