We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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