So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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