im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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