The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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