I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
