That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
