My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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