Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
