tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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