Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
