i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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