I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
