dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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