My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
