4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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