if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
