We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
