youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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