she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
