these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
