You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
