This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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