Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??