I hate your face
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there