that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"