hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...