just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.