Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
