do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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