there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.