the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
