At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
