I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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