I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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