I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
