Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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