So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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