oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
