saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
