i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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