all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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