There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
