I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
