My first STD was from a foam party
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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