just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
