so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
where are my eyebrows?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
