you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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