my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's like iHOP with fire
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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