I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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