hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
