Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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