if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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