i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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