so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
