i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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